Future Plans (Private/Andr01d)

Exam Reqs:

Alexei wandered through the halls of the Legion of Neutrals' base, keenly observing his surroundings. The place was a lot calmer than Alexei had thought, which was kind of a shame; Alexei wanted to be surrounded by chaos right now, to keep his mind occupied. Anything to keep his current thoughts out of his mind.

Honestly, Alexei was at a loss of what to do right now. He may or may not have a Starfall, he hadn't seen his friends in ages, and all of his recent encounters had ended in bizarre notes. He needed to clear his head, or he'd fall into a funk. Originally, he had expected the bustle of the Legion hideout to keep him busy, but that had failed. Maybe Aknaid could entertain him? It seemed like the best plan, for now at least.

"Aknaid, are you here?" Alexei called out, hoping the insectoid was within earshot.

His hand set itself upon his right shoulder. His nose deep into a book, studying some ancient text of Pandora, long before the mortals appeared. He did not look at Alexei, but only at the printed words whose ink died dry on the pages long ago. But that was the joy of reading a book that was older than most souls. It was always a mystery of who wrote and printed them, as none of them were by Kaseki himself, and he was one of the few who actually witnessed this world's creation. Not to touch on the fact he was the sole creator of this realm.

The Legion had undergone great change over the last few weeks since The Agency fell. And as a result, grew in both power and popularity. However some worked under the flag of neutrality, never to show their true colors to their allies. Some with good reason.

Alexei jumped a bit at Aknaid's voice, not realizing that the Demon of Time was so close to him. It did make him feel a bit better that he was here, though. Having somebody interesting to talk to was certainly a good way to relax. His next words, however, confused the God of Chaos. "Look with my heart?" Alexei muttered, frowning slightly. "I'm not sure what you mean."

Looking was something you did with your eyes. Alexei wasn't repressing himself, he didn't think; if his encounter with Ramen had proved anything, it was that he was acting extremely emotionally. Aknaid probably wanted him to do some introspection, but that was exactly what he was trying to avoid; if he had to do it, Alexei would probably fall into the depression he was trying so desperately to avoid. He had to stay above the pit, or he might never get out.

"What are you reading?" Alexei asked Aknaid, trying to change the subject. Alexei had always liked reading, albeit not to the extent of Vivian; he would rather have real experiences, but books were an acceptable substitute.

He seemed to not care about the matter, nor did he even acknowledge the question. The question of what his book contained held no relevance. What mattered what he gained from the text, as well as the inspiration he could obtain from the literature.

The lights of a newly structured underground city was quiet and seemed to be abandoned. It was much different than the warehouse it was previously. It was full of objects and mysteries with potential waiting to be tapped into. He believed the same was with everyone. They were all temples full of treasure locked away in distant and secured rooms. And he would take his own time to aid others in finding, and opening these difficult doors.

Alexei clicked his tongue, irritated that Aknaid had seen through his plan. Honestly, he couldn't say he was surprised; just like his father, the Demon of Time seemed to have a knack for noticing when Alexei was trying to steer the conversation in a particular direction. Oh well. If Alexei fell into the depression he was expecting, at least he knew who to blame.

What exactly did Aknaid mean by looking with his heart? People read with their minds by looking at the words, deciphering the meaning, and applying it to their own experiences. How did one learn to do the same thing with their heart? Was Aknaid trying to get him to release his emotions? He was already plenty emotional, though. He just didn't get it. "I don't understand what you mean," Alexei admitted, shaking his head. "Could you explain, please?"

He was not at all stunned at his words. His literature was getting the best of him. Reading an ancient text only further forced his philosophical side. Normally he would have caught himself and forced himself to do otherwise, but even if he despised the man he could still see the similarities. His maker was but a mortal trapped in the body of a god, and even he too would see to meddle in the affairs of others. It was not for entertainment, but for betterment of the society they lived in.


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WC : 138/125

Alexei's brow furrowed as he listened to Aknaid further. This was another rather annoying trait that Aknaid had inherited from his father; both had a propensity for speaking in riddles, albeit Aknaid less so. Normally the God of Chaos could put up with it, but he was in no mood for such trifles at the moment. Still, he didn't want to irritate Aknaid, especially since the Demon of Time was doing this in order to help Alexei in his own way.

It couldn't be helped. Alexei would put up with it for now, in order to go one step further towards his goal. "If that's the case, what exactly should I do?" Alexei responded slowly, choosing his words carefully in order to not show his irritation. "How do I go about extracting a story from the page, rather than simply knowledge?" Alexei was sick of these riddles.

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147/125

It was funny to think he was one to skip out on details only to question someone's inner feelings. He was not one to think hypothetically. He mostly, if not always, spoke in a literal sense. This time was no other. He'd point to a painting on the wall, just another piece of art crafted within the walls of Urban City.


162/125

Alexei blinked as he admired the painting that Aknaid had pointed out. What the Demon of Time as saying was certainly true; while the painting was wonderful, it certainly didn't give any indication as to the inner thoughts of the beings in the picture. What were they feeling at that moment? What history did they have that would have led them to have such feelings? While there was a lot one could infer from the picture, there were entire novels lying just beneath the surface.

Aknaid's last words, however, were what truly struck fear into Alexei's heart. While he had had a feeling they were coming, it was still the absolute last thing that the God of Chaos had wanted to hear. It was something that had to be done, but at the same time, it had been infinitely postponed. "So what you're saying," Alexei replied slowly, "is that I need to decipher my own story, the world within me, before I can start to explore the worlds within other people. Am I correct?"

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He'd wave his hand in the air as he walked off and away from it all. "You must learn to write before you can read. You have to learn to hear before you can listen." With a smile he would continue. "Something like that."

The organization itself had grown, even if its halls were empty and barren. He didn't need the clamor of various mixed souls to tell him what he was doing was right. All he needed was to toss a single pebble into the river in the right place to cause ripples to stir tides and move the ocean. It was about the little things in life. The small improvements that added up. It all caused a snowball in the end. No matter what analogies were made.

129/125

Alexei watched as Aknaid walked away, leaving him to his introspection. The God of Chaos took a seat on the ground against a wall, trying to figure out where he should even start with his mess of psychoses. He had more than a few issues, but the most important were definitely his interpersonal issues and the Starfall. Which one should he tackle first, though?

The Starfall was the one with the most impact in the present, but the present, for once, wasn't what he was aiming for. Plus, it might make sense to deal with the bigger problem first. On the other hand, dealing with his interpersonal issues was a hell of a deep hole, and Alexei didn't know when he would come out of it.

When Alexei considered the options, there was really only one thing to do. Although Alexei still hated the idea of it, it was time to look into his past, to see all of his mistakes.

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161/125

((OOC: Alexei's gonna be doing some heavy introspection, so you don't have to post for a bit. Enjoy the break~))

After a moment of deliberation, Alexei decided to work his way backwards through his list of friends. There were only five people he could think of that he could truly call friends; they came from various walks of life, but all of them were people Alexei would have trusted with his own life. They were also, however, the source of most of Alexei's failures.

Malm was the first, simply because he was the last one Alexei had seen. They had certainly gotten off to a rocky start both in Fiore and their reunion in Pandora, but Alexei saw their friendship as something special; he was the only one Alexei still had, and the God of Chaos intended to keep him until the end. The plant mage seemed to be going through his own trials as well; Alexei wished him the best of luck in his endeavors, and hoped that somewhere, Malm was doing the same for him.

Bea would be next. Alexei missed her terribly; Bea was the closest thing to a kindred spirit Alexei had, at least in his mind. At one point, he had even considered her a candidate for marriage, the one act Alexei had never, ever thought he would even consider until that point. Meeting Ramen, her husband, had dashed that hope, but Alexei still wanted to reunite with her just once more. That hope, however, seemed far-fetched; for all intents and purposes, she had seemed to vanish off of the face of the world. Even Ramen had no idea where she was. Alexei hoped that wherever she was, she was finding happiness in her own way.

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271/125
2/5 friends

Malm and Bea were definitely the two most positive relationships Alexei had maintained in the past. There were people he was closer with, true, but those met with a gruesome end. Unfortunately, it was into that end that Alexei would have to delve into soon, but there was one person to go before he had to reach that dark place.

Almyra Bys was somebody who Alexei had never expected to meet: Somebody who adhered to the doctrine of chaos almost as much as he did. If she was still alive, she was without a doubt one of Alexei's most devout disciples; she believed in chaos, both in theory and in practice, and had been one of Alexei's two constant traveling companions. That was the thing, though; she was almost definitely no longer with the living. She had been caught up in the war, the same one that had changed the face of Fiore as its inhabitants had known it. Like Bea, she had simply evaporated; unlike Bea, however, Alexei hadn't been making much of an effort to find her. Once he finished his business, maybe he would try to find her, or at least her surviving kin.

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3/5 friends

Finally, it was time. Time to enter into the deepest, darkest corners of Alexei's soul, the ones where even he had never truly entered before, only skimming the surface. His last two companions, the ones that he had at one point treasured more than his own soul. Him and her, Blane and Vivian.

Blane was, at one point, like a brother to Alexei. They had known each other for the better part of three years, the duration of Alexei's time as the Light God Slayer; they had fought together, eaten together, and for long periods of time, were each others only other being to interact with. While not as chaos oriented as Alexei's other friends, they had reached a mutual understanding of one another; Alexei had known the inner workings of Blane's soul as much as he knew his own. Maybe even moreso, considering what he was doing now. Blane, however, had died, by Alexei's own hand. It was the most tragic end to their close relationship; Alexei had turned on his friend, blinded by rage that was loosely directed at the God of Light that had sent Blane to him. Blane had given himself up willingly for Alexei's revenge; in the ultimate act of selflessness, he allowed Alexei to devour him, giving him the power necessary to defeat Rakoto.

And then, there was her. Vivian. Blane had been like a brother to Alexei, but Vivian was the only person that he truly considered to be family. Despite not being blood related, the two had grown up in the shadow of the Dark Tower, surviving on what they could find and what the more sympathetic mages gave them. Always the bookworm, Vivian had learned metamagic, developing her alternate personality Vi in the process. They were polar opposites, but Alexei had loved them equally; after all, they were just two sides of Alexei's adoptive sister. No matter what had happened, Alexei and Vivian had supported each other; they had been each others anchor, keeping the other grounded and giving them a safe place to return to.

Vivian had died twice, at least in Alexei's eyes. The first 'death' had actually left her alive, but it had prompted Alexei to strike out on his own, believing her dead. It was what had made him into the wanderer he still was today. They had found each other, and their happiness again, but it was all too quickly snatched away from them by Vivian's second death, her true death. Watching her die in his arms had torn Alexei's soul asunder; it had led to the rage that had, in turn, killed Blane. She had been his cornerstone, and her removal had led to his collapse into the psychoses that existed today.

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5/5 friends

With that, Alexei had made it through all of his friends. With a start, he realized he was crying; he wasn't sure when it started, but he certainly didn't want to stop at the moment. He let the tears flow, sobbing uncontrollably as he let out the emotions that he had kept bottled up for so long. Alexei could feel all of his grief, anger, and self-loathing flow out of him as he cried, immensely enjoying the liberating feeling it created. He no longer cared who, if anybody, was watching; the floodgates were open, and nothing was going to prevent him from letting these feelings out.

Alexei wasn't sure how long he sat there, bawling his soul out. It might have been a few minutes, it might have been hours; the Legion hideout made it somewhat hard to tell the time. He was inclined to say it was longer rather than shorter, but he couldn't say for sure. Not that it mattered to him; this was something that had to be done, for the good of himself and everybody who had sacrificed parts or all of themselves for him. Vivian, Blane, Malm, and the others had done so much for Alexei; he couldn't stay down, if only to honor their memory.

As Alexei stood up, he felt lighter than ever; it was as if a massive weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He could still feel the guilt and anger residing deep in his heart, but it no longer bore down on him; he could deal with the remnants of it in time. For now, for the first time since Vivian had passed in his arms so long ago, he finally felt free. His path was no longer in doubt; he would defeat Kaseki and liberate Pandora, fulfilling his ideals to honor those who gave of themselves to assist him.

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((OOC: Aknaid may now post again, if he so desires.))