A Past Revisited [Private]

She sat there, staring at the world in the distance. She couldn't help but wonder what else was out in the world that she would never see. Pandora seemed to be the living essence of chased dreams. She knew it all too well. She smiled, watching the night sky turn a shade darker, and the stars glowing a bit brighter. She dawned only a white dress shirt, half buttoned on the way down. With red sweats she sat with her legs crossed, her hair loose and light. She lifted the kettle and poured the tea into a bowl. She smiled as she set it off to the side, lifting the bottle of sake to fill a small cup. Her hands clasped the cup, the bowl to the right of her, a few feet away.

"So the stories were true." she thought to herself, "Then I guess you found what you were looking for . . . but it wasn't what you wanted." She tilted the cup and took a sip of her drink, enjoying the beautify crafted liquid brewed so many years ago. It was a nice night.

Quietly, he would take his seat beside her. His weapon left on the step in front of them both, just within his reach, but just out of mind. It was a meeting for both of their pleasure, and not just for the matters of Pandora. Shini was someone who was always in the back of Kaseki's mind. With the years apart from each other, they learned to cherish the moments they did have with each other. To finally get back together after so many years was long over due.

He begun to cross his legs, his right hand reaching out to his side, only to land into a bowl of tea. His palm sat on the rim, as his fingers seemed to soak themselves in the liquid. "It's been a long time Shini." Kaseki said, "I'm glad we're able to do this again." He smiled, staring through the garden of trees in the backyard of the woman's home. A single tree seemed to glow under the moonlight, almost as bright as the love between the woman and monster. His left hand set on the ground, keeping his balance as the two of them seemed to enjoy the darkness of the world. The various stars being other worlds, other entities of life. Some believed them to be light from the true mortal realms, while others saw them as openings in this world to go back home.

"She was beautiful, Shini." Kaseki said to her. "Just like you said."

She couldn't help but blush at the comment. It was nice to hear Kaseki's voice after all that time away from each other. It was different than when she first saw him in Pandora. She could feel the change in his soul. And for once, she begun to greatly understand him. For once, he had let her in. And now she would be able to see the world through his eyes.

She reached out and wrapped her right arm around him, bringing him a bit closer. "Of course I was. I'm always right!" She let out a hearty laughter, her cheeks red and full of life. She knew that one day it would all be true. She knew that the beauty of that girl would forever be out of her reach. It was something that she could only one day dream of. It would be impossible for her to be seen like her, in the eyes of Kaseki.

But her smile would fade, her heart beating faster, her voice fading away. "It was always hard living without you, Kaseki." Shini would say, "Kusatta and I both wondered when you would return." A tear would find its way into her eye, only to sprint down her cheek and to her chin. ". . . I was at the funeral."

She couldn't help but smile. She could only remember the day she met young Kaseki. He was so young, so lost, so oblivious, and so lonely. He went by another name then, but even so, a bond was made that day. And not even time would weather it away.

"Is that so." Kaseki spoke, his voice a bit shaky, the bowl now half empty.He could smell the alcohol on her breath. He was a bit disappointed that he was the only one drinking tea, but the smell of that old drink put his mind a bit at ease. He would begin to feel his heart pour out and flow into the world around them. His eyelids growing heavy, and his heart weightless. The guardian would rest his head on the shoulders of the red haired beauty.

"I wish I could have said good bye." he would rest where he was, taking in the scent on Shini, letting it engulf him. "To this day, I have kept the gifts that the both of you gave me." Kaseki would say. He remembered the scarf Kusatta made for him, and the scroll Shini had written for him so many eras ago. "I told myself, that even if we are worlds apart, even if the sky we look at is not the same, the both of you would always be with me."

He smiled. He always did enjoy the visits to Shini's home, even when they were kids. They shared a love that no one could understand. Even if they were worlds apart, years apart, or physically apart, they would always find a way to be together. It was fate. It simply was destiny. And neither of them knew it until this very moment.

She couldn't help but tear up with his words. She would rest her head on top of his, her view only of the single glowing tree in the distance. "Stop talking, stupid." Shini would say. She would take a deep breath, her drink finished, her face reddened. The night was quiet, only with the sounds of a stringed instrument far in the distance. "You're making me cry."

She couldn't help but wonder how time had changed Kaseki over all of those years. For once, she could feel the pain in his heart, but she did not know what caused those wounds. It was a story that she wanted to hear from his lips, yet she knew it would only pain him further. She knew that he was a millennium ahead of her. It was odd, to think that she was the one who was behind the times for once. For once, she was the fossil.

But deep down, she knew what had broken Kaseki. She knew that the girl he had always loved, would never be around forever. She knew the beauty of that girl would shine brighter than any star in the world. That light would be blinding, and would make someone like Shini seem minute in comparison. But here, she sat, with someone who she loved, the world silent. It was as if this would was their dreams come true.

"I can't wait to meet her one day." Shini would say. "I'm sure your daughter is a beautiful girl." She smiled, her face wet with tears. Nothing in the world would fill her with more joy than that moment. Nothing could make her more content, than spending time with her brother.

He would lift his hand, and rest it on Shini's leg, smiling as he did so, even if his eyes were wet. "You're always so warm, sis."

The bowl sat there, with a single hand inside of it, the contents of it gone. He could feel emotions flow through his body like never before. It was so long since he could be himself. For so many years he became whatever people needed him to be. He played the hero, the villain, the victim and the suspect. He had become numb to life, love, hate, war, and peace. For the longest time, he did not live, he merely existed. Pandora was the turning point of his life. For once, he could make a change for his life. His home, build in the center of what was called limbo, a place where there is no heaven, no hell, no death, and no life. Something Kaseki would find to symbolize his very existence.

But here, here on the porch of an old house of an old friend in the village that condemned him, he found peace. ". . . It reminds me when I was a child."

He smiled, remembering watching the other kids practice jutsu, while he and Shini sat on the porch of her house with Kusatta, watching the birds sing, and the sun set. Everyone practiced day and night to be ninjas, and the three of them lived day and night to be children. They never had any idols, or teachers who could show them the way, so the three of them made their own way. They wandered the darkness, not alone, but with each other, hand it hand. Their home was the darkness, the village in darkness.

They called it Yamigakure.

Bringing her right hand closer to his face, she would wipe away the few tears that managed to make their way through the bandages. She knew it was the same material as his cloak, and therefore was just an extension of his being. It was like caring for him, to care for the material. "Kaseki," she would begin, "You've always been a child." She smiled and closed her eyes. She would remember this moment for years to come.

---

~ "I remember the day I first saw him. He was a kid then, a child. He looked a year or two younger than me. I think he was six, and I was eight. He wore this dark jacket over his face, and he stood outside of his home. When I looked at him, it took me a while to figure out why he dripped red paint. I learned later that it was not paint.

"I remember the other man that he moved into the house with. He seemed older, and always seemed to cover his face. It was a new mask every day. On his right arm, the insignia of our assassins was branded on his arm. But I knew nothing about either of them, not even a code name.

"One day I braved myself to go to that house and ask who they were. I was a curious girl. When I opened my door to make my way over, the boy stood in front of my door. He looked worried, his cloak over his eyes. "Who are you and why do all of these people know you?" I asked him. His reply was a whisper, "My brother is the greatest Anbu in our village. He's the Black Dragon."

"I stood there a bit, I was sure the story of the Black Dragon was a myth. It was a tale of a ninja who could manipulate the shadows and the jutsu around him to his liking. "I thought those were just stories." was all I could muster up to tell the young boy. To which, he replied: "Everyone is just a story. Our lives are chapters in the book of Konoha."

"That was the first time I met Kaseki. I didn't know a thing about him. All I knew was that I wanted to be in the chapters that he was in." ~

"Even with a thousand lifetimes, I will never truly understand you." Kaseki spoke, opening his eyes. He couldn't help but feel weak at that moment. He was a ruler of a realm, arguably the strongest mortal to have ever lived, and the closest thing many of these people would have to meeting a god. But in this moment, he felt, human. He felt the pain of sorrow, the pain of heartbreak, the pain of loss and loneliness. Time had numbed him, striped him of all emotions, all feelings, all aspects of humanity. Yet, with Shini, he was able to be himself once more.

---

~ "A disgusting place. I hated every second of it. Children were seen as weapons and not human beings. Parents were nothing more than resources for stories of war. Everyone was an assassin. Everyone killed. The worst part was that I was a part of it.

I remember every day of my pitiful existence quite clearly. I remember avenging my brother. I remember killing every swordsman, every assassin, every killer, mercenary, guard and warrior until I was the last one who remained a threat. I thought I could change it all, but I didn't. I remember taking so much time to perfect forbidden arts of space and time. There was only one way to cleanse this world of evil. There was only one way to end the suffering. I had to go back. I had to go back and kill myself before it all began. . .

But I stood there, confused at this new world. I didn't see much, but I could feel the energy. It was more free and abundant than my home. Their energy came from the world around them, and not within. I remember trying to use that power. I wanted to feel the spirits in this world. But there was no spirits. There was no one. I was alone. All I could feel was energy that wasn't there. I remember feeling like I wanted to cry. I remember wondering if I would never see my friends again. I was lost in a new world. I didn't want to discover the new magic, the new energy. I wanted to go home, but then a man approached me.

He was tall, and wore a black cloak. I don't remember what happened after that, only that there was a blade that was falling down upon me from above, and the next second I knew, the man was gone, only his clack left of him. I was confused, I looked at my hands, I could see the deep gashes in my hands. I picked up the cloak and I put it on, wrapping my hands around the fabric.

I didn't think of it then, but I remember the feeling of having skin. I remember the feeling of having hair. I remember feeling the wind, smelling the forest around me. I was so overwhelmed with this new world I didn't notice. . . I was human again. ~

She lifted her hand to rest it on Kaseki's head. He always seemed to be thinking about the next day. His mind was full of the future, too full. So full, he could never enjoy the present. She smiled, her face rose colored, "That's because you're stupid."

---

~ "For the longest time, people called Kaseki and I lovers. They couldn't be futher from the truth. Kusatta was the one that loved him romantically, but even she knew when to stop. we both knew that Kaseki, who was Kabuto at the time, was not from our world. He was an alien to us, his jutsu worked differently. His mind in a different world, and his heart belonged to someone we would never know.

Everyone seemed to take jutsu seriously. Everyone wanted to be a master of all of the affinities and wanted to be Hokage or some prestigious title, but we didn't. We didn't care what we were, as long as we were together. We knew we were not masters, prodigies or even experts at what we did. But what we couldn't do, the other two could. We completed each other. But the one thing that was wrong, was that we didn't know until it was too late.

I was twenty two when they told me. They told me I died the day of my Chunin exams, that's why my team never passed. That was when Kaseki ran away. That was when Kusatta disappeared. It wasn't until then that I learned how much of an impact I left on their lives. They wanted to train me to find my friends, my true family. I trained day and night. I looked every hour of the day. I waited to see a familiar face.

Then I learned that Kusatta was dead. I learned she was on the opposite end of the earth. She had waited. She had trained. She looked. She did everything I did. And now she was dead.

The day I saw Kaseki again I couldn't control myself. It was a joy that words can't describe. It was a light in the darkness, shade in the sun, an oasis in a dessert. Because even though I had all of these people around me, I was still alone.

But now I know I'm not alone anymore.~